oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
