did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
