Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sober January is a disaster.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
