i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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