I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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