I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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