thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
