my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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