Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
