The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I understand Curling. That high.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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