may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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