My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
