I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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