it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you inspire me to be a worse person
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
