i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
