You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
