I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
