Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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