I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
