I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
