ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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