I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
