i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
