I hate all girls vehemently.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
