It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
