I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
