69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
