i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
