weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
