you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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