the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
