how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh god the rape fog is back!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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