You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
