She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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