Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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