Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
