ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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