I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
