I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
