There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
