GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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