She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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