I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
