That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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