but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
