Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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