You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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