So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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