I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
