i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
